Listen to T3h Truth for it will expose your pathetic life and make you want to be an otaku and reject all but important outings.

Alas, it is common knowledge that otakus love to stay at home and watch anime. Besides the level 99 otakus, I’m sure most people have a ’life’. However, we do need to pick what activities we waste our time on. Since its about being truthful, I will reveal the truth of men. Be prepared to be shock. HOHOHO!

Recently, I went with a friend and his friends for dinner for food and drinks(including alcohol). This is good, but the party didn’t end, or the people didn’t want the party to end. They suggested going to club. Personally, I feel that clubbing is a waste of time. When you’re working with loads of guys, their true intentions reveal. I was told what they actually feel when they go clubbing, that is to oogle as scantily dressed babes and try to pick one up.

Of course, no guy would ever say that in real life but it happens. Sorry to dissapoint you girls but more guys turn up at ladies night than girls. I know a guy who slept with so many girls till he can’t count, but I won’t reveal his name. Some argue that clubbing is a way to socialise, perhaps… then explain why don’t guys dance solo with guys. Only girls dance with girls, and I respect womens’ decision to club but they are ignorant that they are surrounded by so many lechers. *sigh* My female friend even got her ass grabbed 3 times, 1 for each time she went clubbing, and with me. It was overcrowded but i bet the groping was on purpose.

Anyway, whilst some rare men actually go there to socialise, it is no longer my cup of tea to take part in a sausage-fest where not only eyeballs roll but other balls roll as well. However, when asked by friends, some anime fans under peer pressure who wish to retain their otakuness undercover in the midst of ordinary lesser humans. Alas, that is not the right way to otakudom.

To be otaku requires a bit of of truth in it, that is what separates an anime fan from an otaku. We should always seek the truth and the plain truth is anime is more enjoyable than 80% of all other things in life. Who needs exercise. Strangely, many anime fans are NOT potatoes with spectacles, so it just shows their lack of persistence. Pfft!

If you are an anime fan who wishes to be an otaku, you need to drop all the burdens in life, choosing to spend 80% of your free time on anime and games. 80% is not much, you sleep 8 hours(I sleep 14), meals for 1 hour and hygiene for 1 hour. Thats like only 14 hours left. 8 hours of work/study/class and that leaves you with 6 hours. Make it 5, 1 hour for religion etc. All otakuism is asking is only 4 hours of this free time. Of course not 4 hours everyday, but average 4 hours, so there is no excuse to not socialise once a week!

Being an otaku is not a chore, its passion, and like a lamp, not meant to be hidden under a bowl. Shine your otaku light around by telling your friends:

Reject them even if you will shock/sadden them!

I want to go home to catch the next episode of Macross Frontier!! (RANKA FOREVER!!)

or

I want to meet my guild to go farming!

or even better

I AM OTAKU! LEAVE ME AND MY ANIME ALONE!

If you lie, such as saying

I need to meet my parents for dinner.

or

I’ve got an essay to finish.

or even worse

My mum wants me back home early.

No, going to the toilet doesn't count as an excuse.

You are being a PUSSY!

Your friends will bug you to constantly go out for dinners to go clubbing or go cycling or go play basketball, say no, unless its basketball. Basketball is different as I often try to copy Rukawa’s moves and hence its more of anime passion that I play. Besides, exercise is good and only idiots would want to look like potatoes with spectacles.

Exceptions do occur if

1) the one who ask you out is a hot babe. (hunk for the girls)

2) the destination coincides with an anime shop that you wish to visit.

3) the other party is the police, but you don’t have a choice. Make sure you deleted all those torrent files.

These are so easy to follow that they hardly come to pass as restrictions.

Lesson:

Lets all move forward in our lives to become true otakus because it is not hard at all.

An example of a true game otaku:

The chinese farmer is a legend, though not necessarily from China. Some say their culture from Korea and the Korean otakus came from Japan but nobody gives a shit. Search ‘wow chinese farmer’ in any search engine to find out more. Anyway, these legends stay in gaming centres/homes 25 hours a day, supassing the limits of ordinary lesser humans, farming until they die. Some even sit on toilet bowls. Ugh…

Alas, I prefer anime otakuism than game otakuism. KEKEKE.

Conclusion

I hope you get the moral of the story even though I don’t know what it is. If you wish to take a step forward to become a true otaku, please recite the chant below.

Title: Unlimited Otaku Works

I am the bone of Japanese culture,

Steel are my spectacles and anime is my blood.

I have watched over a thousand series.

Unknown as human, but known as geek.

Have withstood poverty to buy many figurines.

Yet those hands will never be satisfied.

So as I pray, “Unlimited Otaku Works!”

Because the Internet never ceases to amaze me.

Curiosity prompted me to type ‘Nia’ and ‘Otaku’ on Google and it eventually led me to a German otaku blog via Danny’s Kingdom. Now I know what kind of servant would Tohsaka Rin get if she was to perform a summoning ritual using a dakimakura.

BEHOLD THE LEGEND

P.S I got my title via Babel Translation.

]]> http://bluefoxalley.com/2008/05/20/der-held-von-otakus/feed/ 4 The Sojourner http://bluefoxalley.com/2008/05/14/am-i-an-otaku-maybe-i-am/ http://bluefoxalley.com/2008/05/14/am-i-an-otaku-maybe-i-am/#comments Wed, 14 May 2008 00:00:50 +0000 The P-Meister http://bluefoxalley.wordpress.com/?p=285 Continue reading →]]> Most otakus will always reject the notion of being called an Otaku, I guess if you count games as an otaku hobby, I might admit to be one. Based how you answer simple questions like ‘how’s your weekend?’ or ‘how are you.’ For the past 2-3 months, the GREAT P-Meister has been indulging in a particular game, called Guild Wars. I have been playing it since late 2005 but it was more of a social thing until this year’s feb. One day, a friend, nicknamed Chicken, texted me on msn.

My Conversation

Chicken: Hey, how’s life?

P-Meister: Wonderful, I got my third destroyer weapon today!

Chicken: WTF is a destroyer weapon?

P-Meister: Uh… nvm.

Chicken: Oh no, I got to go cook myself, tata!

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, THIS CONVO REALLY HAPPENED!!! Lucky for me, I’ve known him for quite a long time and he knows I’m quite an indulgent in games and anime.

About Guild Wars

Anyways, to sum it up, destroyer weapons are expensive weapons u get in Guild Wars, and are the only weapons that will net you something in GW2. Anything that you put in your hall in Guild Wars will be brought over, basically it takes a lot of GRINDING to put things in your hall..  Here’s some pictures to show what happened!

First, I enter the hall with my trusted Ruby Djinn and my brand new Destroyer Bow!

Next, I set my destroyer bow onto my hall.

Then, I oogle at parts of the hall i have completed.

Right after, I look at the areas which I have yet to be completed.

Finally, I move out, with my Ruby Djinn! Time to go for more adventures to find more things to put in my hall!

GW2 is said to have its beta in late 2008, which means the GW2 game itself would probably be released in 2009!! Thats half a year more. Sadly, I’ve only started 3 months ago(I suddenly decided to creat a new character out of the blue). Alas! The great P-Meister with his great skill and experience quickly filled up his hall. It won’t be long before i fill it up already.

For those who wish to invest in GW2, its not hard to leech the original GW from somebody who already have it but can’t play due to the ties of the real world. As GW1 owners who bring things over to GW2 have been mentioned by arenanet to look significantly better than those who only purchased GW2, its not too late to start scavenging whatever you have to put in your hall. I only play 1-2 hrs a day.

To all those who do not know Guild Wars, basically its one of the best things to happen in MMORPG world. It has one of the best online communities in online world! Nuff said! Back to my conversation….

About my Conversation

Ok… as a tip to otakus from the great and legendary P-Meister, sometimes its ok to leak out a little something to the people you talk to. If they ask you how’s your day? You say, ‘WONDERFUL, THIS WEEK’S SOUL EATER IS SO GREAT!!’ or something like that. You will never know how many of your friends are otakus like you!!. Of 8 people who I hanged out with often when exams weren’t near, 4 of them were anime fans and 5 of them watch anime! HOHOHO! 3/8 of them have DS! Sadly, none of them indulge into their DS as much as me! Sigh…

Conclusion

As more people now embrace the Japanese culture, it is normal to be desperate for anime and games. Being an otaku is only human nature. I await a day where all people become otakus and nobody will talk bad about otakus anymore. Hail OTAKUISM!

ID SOJOURNER INTERVENES: HAHA. WHUT? That is not going to happen because for example you will never be interested in your mum sharing fun facts of her daily life with you. People will always lack empathy for others and you are guilty of that as well! HAHA.

By the way, not everyone agrees with ya. Heheheh.

I AM ID SOJOURNER. PEACE!

Watched the video? Ashamed? I watched that video more than a hundred times. At first, it was WOOT hilarious, but after a while, I wished it was never posted on youtube. MEH…

Being an anime fan, sometimes i watch anime on cable TV, most of the time I use fansubs. Watching americanised anime however sparked some flames in me. I’m not all out to spark a flame war, but the common americanised Anime Joe’s ignorance sometimes pisses off the P-Meister!! From this however, using the GREAT P-MEISTER’s INTELLIGENCE, I deciphered how narutards are created. I’ll start from the very basic on what an anime is.

What is an anime?

Dictionary.com’s definition: A style of animation developed in Japan, characterized by stylized colorful art and often adult themes.

This is only partially true. Where do animes come from? I’m sure everyone knows, its manga of course!! The manga part is lost when americanisation took place. Some anime are deep, some are less deep, but its definitely not stuff for a 7 year old to watch. 7 year olds can watch, but they can’t fully understand its concepts and ideas(unless they are not born in america at least). No offense to America, but this misconception has gone on for a long time, and its time the P-Meister clears the name of Anime in the entertainment world.

The Process of Americanisation

Are Naruto and Inuyasha really anime?

Yes and no, depending on which perspective you view it. Naruto, Bleach and Inuyasha(I feel that they can be classified as the bridge between anime and cartoons) are a low tolerance animes that has a huge fanbase all around the world. Not all its fans however are true anime fans or otakus. Why?

Narrow-minded and shallow people exist, and the company with the license, sadly, have the right to suck money from these people. These american companies have exerted their influence on anime released in the US for many many years. Good examples are One Piece and Cardcaptor. Some big things that happen in Anime include:

Deculturisation: Japanese culture is the basis of many anime. The fact that the fanbase don’t want to learn more about it shows who they really are. Anime that have their culture stripped, the two examples above have been published in the fear that Americans will not understand jokes that are Japan based. This is one of the factors that differentiate anime from cartoons. Many anime do not exactly follow their manga counterparts. This difference is made even further when it is Americanised. Basically, the whole point of the anime is to learn what the manga artist wishes to convey to its readers!! The jokes are also converted, sometimes being irrelevant to the storyline as well.

Horrorifics: Honorifics often tell us how much politeness/respect is used when referring to someone else. Such things don’t need teaching. You’ll learn it a while after watching japanese anime. Blending honorifics into the English language is difficult but possible. Some explaination should be put at the side though. Honorfics have been placed in certain anime, but the pronounciation of -chan is still ch + an(english way of pronounciation). Doesn’t bother me at all as long as its there(I watch the Japanese fansubs though).

Lost in Translation: Words like senpai, sensei and kimono should be left there. I’m sure people are not dumb enough to not know what a kimono is.

Need more evidence? This one’s extreme…

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t say dubbing is bad. Dubbing is more open for international viewers who don’t normally watch anime or for people who don’t want to read the subs. However americanisation spoils its contents. As long as it doesn’t steer too far from the original concept and stop viewers from appreciating anime the way it should be appreciated, dubbing is ok. From some comments online, FMP Fumoffu seems to have been dubbed quite well.

The main problem starts as you look at the type of audience it targets. Companies who like to do these americanisation does it in order to get the average Anime Joe(not otakus or true anime fan) to understand their ‘language’. Read on to find out about the Anime Joe…

What Happens When You Add Naruto to a Tard

Some people argue… I DON’T CARE, I JUST WANT TO BE ENTERTAINED, WHATS THE USE IF I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THE JOKES!! Well, personally i believe there are more than enough programmes out there to entertain. Cartoons like family guy and simpsons. If they like fighting, they could watch a cartoon, they don’t leave a trace of Japanese culture. Well… the effects are, these Americanised products have reached the heart of people who are tards.

Let me explain what tards are:

There is a common concept that people lose attention after 45 seconds. Look at common TV programs. They are filled with violence, sex and celebrity nonsense. Yes, I agree I get distracted in 45 seconds, that doesn’t mean we don’t think for 45 seconds!! Scenes that trigger thinking bore some people. People who don’t think when they watch anime are tards! Thinking is an important part in anime literature and culture.

Upon watching Naruto, which is better(but still not good enough) in the sense that it isn’t fully Americanised, a small bit of culture is put in front of their eyes. As if it were their first time masturbating, such tards become intense Naruto/Bleach/Inu tards! They become overzealous fanatics who often only appreciate anime of a particular genre. I call this genre “brainless”(The anime may not be brainless but is appreciated in a brainless way)! They obviously haven’t watched the better ones. However, this overzealousness should not be confused with that of an otaku.

What is an otaku? Not a tard…

IMHO, otakus are cool, because of the fact that they are able to express their passion in such a significant way. Cool to themselves, cool to me, (not cool to the society though)… In fact, I believe otakus are very intelligent people, with a deep sensitivity for literature. Everything else in the world matters not to them. However, i believe, if everyone was an otaku… there won’t be wars(except those in anime)…

Americans have a very eccentric way of expressing themselves. To be cool or unique to them is to be different. They struggle in many ways to be different. You’ll understand if you watched American Idol. Since america culture is spreading everywhere, I dare say that this implies to the whole world, except with less magnitude(sorry Americans, but its true).

So how do we differentiate an otaku from a narutard? Otakus don’t go around boasting about being an otaku/fear people calling them narutards, they have more worries about their collection. Otakus are nerds, but they are not retards! There’s nothing wrong with being a nerd, it just shows their passion. There’s something wrong with being a tard… it shows they can’t think.

So everyone who follows naruto is a tard? no… Naruto isn’t brainless as it seems. However, handing naruto to tards is like giving chopsticks to a baboon. They will never figure out how to use it. Naruto has parts which inspire thoughts, however less than that of other anime. Read on to find out more.

Is Naruto bad? Quite bad…

Besides its fanbase, I don’t see the problem with Naruto that it should become taboo in daily anime language. Naruto is quite a bad anime, but it got rebuked more than it should have been. We should give Naruto some empathy. This empathy i will give will be in comparison of a really old manga which i read, called Dragonball.

Dragonball is an amazing manga(I didn’t appreciate its anime as much, it was a little slow filled with staring scenes), after a tired day of study/work, its ok to read a little DBZ to chill. Besides, it has unique artwork and is a great manga for somebody to chill. It doesn’t really wrack ur brain like Eva does and its relaxing to read. I must state that Dragonball came at a time when its style was still refreshing, Naruto was a little late.

Still, I can understand anime fans who watch Naruto. It certainly is in-between an anime and a cartoon. It isn’t particularly brainless if we were to consider what the purpose its artist, Masashi Kishimoto, intended its fans to use the storyline for.

Naruto started out with pretty amazing fresh concepts, one I like was the Neiji family concept. The artist has proved himself to be quite creative, only to have his work fall into the hands of tards. Even so… the development is rather bland as it carries on but dragonball has its bland parts too. The only commendable thing right now is its epic length. Still, I believe right at the end, there’s gonna be a BANG! Problem is… when is the end…? Anyway, thats another story for the Sojourner to tell…

Conclusion

There are many anime which are stripped off its original concepts, however I feel that the problem with this misconception of anime fans can be cleared with a little more exposure. If american anime companies were to do as well as fansubs, perhaps allowing the viewers to turn to different type of subs depending if they were a cartoon fan or anime fan, I’m sure more people would view the ones that retain and explain japanese culture. Perhaps the average IQ in the world would become 110 or so…

*Breathes out smoke* Finally the P-Meister is relieved. I wrote that out of a little fury. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. =) Hope you enjoyed the P-Meister’s ranting.

 Dear lesser minions, the P-Meister is BACK!!

A small introduction on what DILDO is, just in case you haven’t explored the rest of the Blue Fox Alley yet. The P-Meister gathers all his daily information and stores those that ARE beneficial to those around him!!!!! He then Spreads his word, which is DILDO, Daily Imperative Lessons 4 Desperate Otakus. This comes under the gospel of the P-Meister!

Anyways, today’s topic is about the COOL OTAKU!!! Do you know why Otaku ends with ku (く)? That is because they are cool(く-l)!!

 I know you all are aching to know more, but let me give you a medical description on what an otaku is!

Definition

Otaku- A person who has been enlightened, causing all things to be insignificant to him except living life to the fullest!! He has seen the Light. And by ‘Light’, I mean the TV screen showing programmes that have brighter colour than any other programmes, ANIME!

Diagnosis

A simple question can be used to determine the level of enlightenment you have achieved.

What time of the day do you watch your first anime/read your first manga?

a) What is anime/manga? I only watch celebrity news. I love BRITNEY SPEARS!

b) Whenever work/girlfriend/mother/studies/breakfast doesn’t call

c) First thing in the morning!! (c stands for cool… PICK THIS)

 If you have answered a, you have not grown in the mind since you were born. You’ll probably not understand what I’m saying. Some day you might see the ‘Light’(check above for description). If you do see such Light, be sure to follow it!

 If you have answered b, you have grown a little and have quite a good background. However, you are still bogged down by worldly affairs and are missing the true meaning of life! Yes, girlfriend is important(I have one and keep her quite well), but before she knows you are awake, you should try to slip an episode or a chapter in!!

 If you have answered c, then you are truely to be praised as the enlightened. You have surpassed what normal humans have. You know what life means and how great it is to enjoy it and ignore everything around you. Even if it means sacrificing your sleep so your girlfriend doesn’t know!

 You can find a small diagram i made below:

Epidermiology and rare diseases

If you have done this test with all your heart, there is a 66% chance that you have fallen into the B category, 33% chance to fall into C, and 0 percent chance in A (They are too uncool to come to the Blue Fox Alley.)

 A, B and C also have their individual meanings. A stands for atrocious, B stands for Borderline and C stands for Cool… No offense to anyone who didn’t get C…

 This special test is however not 100% accurate to making you cool. Sometimes, an A category person may be diagnosed as B or C category. These people are grouped under A*.

Pathogenesis

How is this possible? Well, there is a TARD-bug circulating around the internet. A brilliant creation due to the mutation of a particular type of streptococci virus. Anyways, these are highly virulent and can lead to a total change of personality. These viruses reside in the host’s body and stay in there until a trigger, eg. Watching naruto or bleach (Totally cool animes), comes about.

 These viruses then replicate at an alarming rate and convert the DNA of the victim. This is often incurable, causing the A-category human to become A*, an anime fan. Unfortunately, it is the uncool version, he thinks that he has the potential to become an exaggerated anime hero! His brain cells start to degenerate and are constantly replaced by TARD cells.

 Upon reaching maturity, they permanently turn back into A-type humans who watch celebrity news and like Britney Spears. (I have nothing against Britney, its just a common example, some of her songs are quite good). There is a way to prevent this though, that is to catch them before they permanently become A-Type, while they are still in A* form.

Sign and Symptoms

Here are a list of signs and symptoms:

• Talking loudly as if he own the world, thinking his hands give power to the world.

• Talking as if he knows everything.

• Hypersensitivity to the words naruto and bleach and character names from anime he likes

• Often highly attached and addicted to only 1 or 2 anime, missing out on better ones!

• Behaves like a total retard sometimes

• Unable to catch hints from people who tease him or insult him indirectly

• Fails in communicating with people

• Wears wierd anime clothing despite harsh weather conditions

• Only listens to one or two anime songs and repeats them over and over for months

Should we look down on them then? No! In fact, they are anime fans as well. We should help them be more receptive and help them know that there are MANY more anime out there to be appreciated. Each one is unique and has its own way of being appreciated. If you do see such a person, please read the treatment section and administer treatment as soon as possible. This disease is highly contagious. Only B and C categorised people have immunity.

Treatment

There are many treatments available, however the best one remains none other than in the BLUE FOX ALLEY!!! YES!!!

 The best treatment is to show him an anime which we have placed in the FTW list. By doing so, a trigger in his brain can cause him to not only become normal, but become a totally cool B or C category person. Please take the time to browse our FTW section.

Conclusion

The reason why we B and C people can be attracted by anime/manga is due to our higher intelligence and the ability to put away the brainless but numerous activities out there. Be Cool!!

Look at that creativity bustling with life: COOL! (thats not me)

Keep watch for the next lesson!!