If you read this, I’m probably in Germany touring away, however, the P-Meister, like a father to his children, has decided to leave some helpful tips for otakus craving for more of the famous Daily Imperative Lessons for Desperate Otakus. Well, its not that famous, but as anime fans struggle in their daily lives, unsure about which path to take, at least there’s some advice on the internet, to traverse into the plane of Otakudom!

Listen to T3h Truth for it will expose your pathetic life and make you want to be an otaku and reject all but important outings.

Alas, it is common knowledge that otakus love to stay at home and watch anime. Besides the level 99 otakus, I’m sure most people have a ’life’. However, we do need to pick what activities we waste our time on. Since its about being truthful, I will reveal the truth of men. Be prepared to be shock. HOHOHO!

Recently, I went with a friend and his friends for dinner for food and drinks(including alcohol). This is good, but the party didn’t end, or the people didn’t want the party to end. They suggested going to club. Personally, I feel that clubbing is a waste of time. When you’re working with loads of guys, their true intentions reveal. I was told what they actually feel when they go clubbing, that is to oogle as scantily dressed babes and try to pick one up.

Of course, no guy would ever say that in real life but it happens. Sorry to dissapoint you girls but more guys turn up at ladies night than girls. I know a guy who slept with so many girls till he can’t count, but I won’t reveal his name. Some argue that clubbing is a way to socialise, perhaps… then explain why don’t guys dance solo with guys. Only girls dance with girls, and I respect womens’ decision to club but they are ignorant that they are surrounded by so many lechers. *sigh* My female friend even got her ass grabbed 3 times, 1 for each time she went clubbing, and with me. It was overcrowded but i bet the groping was on purpose.

Anyway, whilst some rare men actually go there to socialise, it is no longer my cup of tea to take part in a sausage-fest where not only eyeballs roll but other balls roll as well. However, when asked by friends, some anime fans under peer pressure who wish to retain their otakuness undercover in the midst of ordinary lesser humans. Alas, that is not the right way to otakudom.

To be otaku requires a bit of of truth in it, that is what separates an anime fan from an otaku. We should always seek the truth and the plain truth is anime is more enjoyable than 80% of all other things in life. Who needs exercise. Strangely, many anime fans are NOT potatoes with spectacles, so it just shows their lack of persistence. Pfft!

If you are an anime fan who wishes to be an otaku, you need to drop all the burdens in life, choosing to spend 80% of your free time on anime and games. 80% is not much, you sleep 8 hours(I sleep 14), meals for 1 hour and hygiene for 1 hour. Thats like only 14 hours left. 8 hours of work/study/class and that leaves you with 6 hours. Make it 5, 1 hour for religion etc. All otakuism is asking is only 4 hours of this free time. Of course not 4 hours everyday, but average 4 hours, so there is no excuse to not socialise once a week!

Being an otaku is not a chore, its passion, and like a lamp, not meant to be hidden under a bowl. Shine your otaku light around by telling your friends:

I want to go home to catch the next episode of Macross Frontier!! (RANKA FOREVER!!)

or

I want to meet my guild to go farming!

or even better

I AM OTAKU! LEAVE ME AND MY ANIME ALONE!

If you lie, such as saying

I need to meet my parents for dinner.

or

I’ve got an essay to finish.

or even worse

My mum wants me back home early.

You are being a PUSSY!

Your friends will bug you to constantly go out for dinners to go clubbing or go cycling or go play basketball, say no, unless its basketball. Basketball is different as I often try to copy Rukawa’s moves and hence its more of anime passion that I play. Besides, exercise is good and only idiots would want to look like potatoes with spectacles.

Exceptions do occur if

1) the one who ask you out is a hot babe. (hunk for the girls)

2) the destination coincides with an anime shop that you wish to visit.

3) the other party is the police, but you don’t have a choice. Make sure you deleted all those torrent files.

These are so easy to follow that they hardly come to pass as restrictions.

Lesson:

Lets all move forward in our lives to become true otakus because it is not hard at all.

An example of a true game otaku:

The chinese farmer is a legend, though not necessarily from China. Some say their culture from Korea and the Korean otakus came from Japan but nobody gives a shit. Search ‘wow chinese farmer’ in any search engine to find out more. Anyway, these legends stay in gaming centres/homes 25 hours a day, supassing the limits of ordinary lesser humans, farming until they die. Some even sit on toilet bowls. Ugh…

Alas, I prefer anime otakuism than game otakuism. KEKEKE.

Conclusion

I hope you get the moral of the story even though I don’t know what it is. If you wish to take a step forward to become a true otaku, please recite the chant below.

Title: Unlimited Otaku Works

I am the bone of Japanese culture,

Steel are my spectacles and anime is my blood.

I have watched over a thousand series.

Unknown as human, but known as geek.

Have withstood poverty to buy many figurines.

Yet those hands will never be satisfied.

So as I pray, “Unlimited Otaku Works!”