DILDO 1: The Cool Otaku and the Uncool Otaku

HAHA! TIME TO DILDO!

 Dear lesser minions, the P-Meister is BACK!!

A small introduction on what DILDO is, just in case you haven’t explored the rest of the Blue Fox Alley yet. The P-Meister gathers all his daily information and stores those that ARE beneficial to those around him!!!!! He then Spreads his word, which is DILDO, Daily Imperative Lessons 4 Desperate Otakus. This comes under the gospel of the P-Meister!

Anyways, today’s topic is about the COOL OTAKU!!! Do you know why Otaku ends with ku (く)? That is because they are cool(く-l)!!

 I know you all are aching to know more, but let me give you a medical description on what an otaku is!

 

Definition

Otaku- A person who has been enlightened, causing all things to be insignificant to him except living life to the fullest!! He has seen the Light. And by ‘Light’, I mean the TV screen showing programmes that have brighter colour than any other programmes, ANIME!

 

Diagnosis

A simple question can be used to determine the level of enlightenment you have achieved.

What time of the day do you watch your first anime/read your first manga?

a) What is anime/manga? I only watch celebrity news. I love BRITNEY SPEARS!

b) Whenever work/girlfriend/mother/studies/breakfast doesn’t call

c) First thing in the morning!! (c stands for cool… PICK THIS)

 If you have answered a, you have not grown in the mind since you were born. You’ll probably not understand what I’m saying. Some day you might see the ‘Light’(check above for description). If you do see such Light, be sure to follow it!

 If you have answered b, you have grown a little and have quite a good background. However, you are still bogged down by worldly affairs and are missing the true meaning of life! Yes, girlfriend is important(I have one and keep her quite well), but before she knows you are awake, you should try to slip an episode or a chapter in!!

 If you have answered c, then you are truely to be praised as the enlightened. You have surpassed what normal humans have. You know what life means and how great it is to enjoy it and ignore everything around you. Even if it means sacrificing your sleep so your girlfriend doesn’t know!

 You can find a small diagram i made below:

Epidermiology and rare diseases

If you have done this test with all your heart, there is a 66% chance that you have fallen into the B category, 33% chance to fall into C, and 0 percent chance in A (They are too uncool to come to the Blue Fox Alley.)

 A, B and C also have their individual meanings. A stands for atrocious, B stands for Borderline and C stands for Cool… No offense to anyone who didn’t get C…

 This special test is however not 100% accurate to making you cool. Sometimes, an A category person may be diagnosed as B or C category. These people are grouped under A*.

 

Pathogenesis

How is this possible? Well, there is a TARD-bug circulating around the internet. A brilliant creation due to the mutation of a particular type of streptococci virus. Anyways, these are highly virulent and can lead to a total change of personality. These viruses reside in the host’s body and stay in there until a trigger, eg. Watching naruto or bleach (Totally cool animes), comes about.

 These viruses then replicate at an alarming rate and convert the DNA of the victim. This is often incurable, causing the A-category human to become A*, an anime fan. Unfortunately, it is the uncool version, he thinks that he has the potential to become an exaggerated anime hero! His brain cells start to degenerate and are constantly replaced by TARD cells.

 Upon reaching maturity, they permanently turn back into A-type humans who watch celebrity news and like Britney Spears. (I have nothing against Britney, its just a common example, some of her songs are quite good). There is a way to prevent this though, that is to catch them before they permanently become A-Type, while they are still in A* form.

 

Sign and Symptoms

Here are a list of signs and symptoms:

• Talking loudly as if he own the world, thinking his hands give power to the world.

• Talking as if he knows everything.

• Hypersensitivity to the words naruto and bleach and character names from anime he likes

• Often highly attached and addicted to only 1 or 2 anime, missing out on better ones!

• Behaves like a total retard sometimes

• Unable to catch hints from people who tease him or insult him indirectly

• Fails in communicating with people

• Wears wierd anime clothing despite harsh weather conditions

• Only listens to one or two anime songs and repeats them over and over for months

Should we look down on them then? No! In fact, they are anime fans as well. We should help them be more receptive and help them know that there are MANY more anime out there to be appreciated. Each one is unique and has its own way of being appreciated. If you do see such a person, please read the treatment section and administer treatment as soon as possible. This disease is highly contagious. Only B and C categorised people have immunity.

 

Treatment

There are many treatments available, however the best one remains none other than in the BLUE FOX ALLEY!!! YES!!!

 The best treatment is to show him an anime which we have placed in the FTW list. By doing so, a trigger in his brain can cause him to not only become normal, but become a totally cool B or C category person. Please take the time to browse our FTW section.

 

Conclusion

The reason why we B and C people can be attracted by anime/manga is due to our higher intelligence and the ability to put away the brainless but numerous activities out there. Be Cool!!

Look at that creativity bustling with life: COOL! (thats not me)

Keep watch for the next lesson!!